We all know what love feels like in its early stages. Sadly, sometimes your partner can start to show bad behavior.
If it extends to chronic invasion of privacy, trying to isolate you from your friends/family or physical violence, you may need to find a way out from abusive relationship. Here are some tips for extracting yourself from the situation.
Start setting boundaries
If you feel safe to do it and believe there’s any hope of saving the relationship, then start setting boundaries now. If, for example, you know your partner is going through your messages, change your password.
If they insist on being given the new one, be firm and let them know they aren’t entitled to it. If they become abusive when drunk, stop going out with them when they plan on drinking and remove alcohol from the house.
By setting boundaries, you let them know their behavior won’t be tolerated. They are likely to react badly at first but in some cases they will eventually accept the boundaries set and the behavior may decrease.
Set up your own network
Sometimes in a long-term relationship you can find you end up with all of the same friends.
Make sure you have a group that is just yours so that you have somewhere to go in an emergency and so that you aren’t afraid of losing your friendship group if the relationship ends.
Become financially independent
On factor that often keeps people with their abusive partners well beyond when they should is money.
Consider setting up your own bank account (if you don’t have one) and make sure you’ve got money to survive on for a period while you get your life under control. Make it clear who owns what and that you have assets in your name if possible.
Also, consider having a place to move to ready and make sure phones and bills etc that are yours are in your name.
Change your passwords – in one case I am aware of a man harassed his former partner after the split by calling the telephone company to get login details and wreaked havoc on his ex’s life.
By doing this, if the relationship ends you will not be motivated by your financial situation to reconcile and will feel confident about leaving.
Tell people and document it
If the behavior is out of control, start keeping a record and make sure someone knows about it. If you are injured, take photos.
Confide in people – it’ll ease your burden and their reactions will let you know if it’s time to leave. Sometimes people can be too forgiving. Others may tell you just how bad it is.
Consider a complete break
It’s not always possible, but being able to move to a different place or overseas allows for a cleaner break.
There’s less chance of running into them and they’re more likely to move on once it’s clear they cannot get in touch with you.
Leaving an abusive partner is a tough thing. Obviously, we always love our partners’ better qualities and it’s hard to say goodbye.
Hopefully these tips make it easier.