“How do I know if I’m wasting my time with someone? What if I spend a lot of effort to pursue them, and they aren’t even looking for a relationship in the first place?”
My friend recently asked me the questions above, and upon a quick Google search, it turns out that this is a pretty popular concern for others as well. Failed relationship pursuals go hand in hand with “time wasted” for many people, but they really shouldn’t. I think it’s flat out dumb to think that way. Here’s why:
What Are You Really Wasting?
Time is the biggest thing that people lie about. Think about how often you use time, or a lack of, as an excuse whenever you don’t want to do something. “Oh so sorry I can’t, I’m busy.” Yeah right.
When you say that you don’t have time to chase after somebody, do you really believe that? Or are you saying no because of something else? At the end of the day, think about the actual time cost that’s associated with such a thing. How much time does it really take to ask out a crush? You’re not building a rocket ship, you’re looking to build a relationship.
It doesn’t matter who you are, or what you do. You have enough time in your day to say hi to somebody. You have enough time to spark up a brief conversation. There is no need to be so dramatic with your life and your time. If you take a couple of minutes to ask somebody out and they say no, is it really that big of a waste? Would you have accomplished something amazing otherwise if you didn’t attempt that failed courtship? Come on now.
Love Has No Guarantees
The actual time “wasted” may not be that much, but perhaps you still aren’t comfortable with it. I get it. Nobody likes venturing into failure, however small it may be. When it comes to opportunities, we much prefer it when there’s a clear path to success laid out for us. The same certainly applies to our relationships. It would be ideal if we knew beforehand whether or not things would work out, but that just isn’t how life is.
There are no guarantees when it comes to love. You’ll never truly know if you’re compatible with someone until you go for it. Waiting for the perfect signs or circumstances is simply foolish. You can’t go through your romantic life wrapped in bubble wrap, afraid of every bump that may appear in the road.
To love is to risk. You have to put yourself in harm’s way and face those rejections that may come up. You have to risk those blows to your ego and those potentially cringey moments. You have to risk “wasting time” in order to find that person that’ll make time stop for you.
Relationships Are A to Z, not A to B
The time and risk involved with relationships aren’t optional, they’re necessary. This is such an obvious thing, but it’s something that we often forget. What makes love so fulfilling isn’t the destination, it’s the journey.
Questions such as “What if this person won’t like me?” or “What if they’re not looking to date?” are ignoring the most fundamental parts of a relationship. There are so many steps and processes that are involved with love. Worry about success or failure AFTER you’ve given it your best shot, not before. Relationships aren’t A to B, they’re a journey of A to Z. You’ll either succeed, or you’ll learn something to help you succeed in the next one.
It’s a waste of time to worry about wasting time.