How to write a good online dating first message to a guy – Tips & Examples

The questions we most frequently receive include ‘what to message a guy first’ and ‘Online dating first message woman to man’.

How to send that perfect first text that shows your interest without portraying you like ‘asking for it’ has always been a catch for all the online dating women.

Here is a complete checklist on how to start a conversation with a guy online dating crafted from our 15+ years of first-hand industry experience.

Say Hi

“Hey handsome”, “Hey you”, “hhiiiii”, “Hey”, “Feeling naughty?”: these are by statistics comes at the top in blocking the conversation chain.

Does it mean we should not start with an addressing word at all?

Of course, you should.

You should start with a dignified and full-spelled addressing. Calling Robin simply by ‘Hey Robin’ is quite good-to-go.

‘How’s it going’, ‘what’s up’ and ‘howdy’ are top three addressing in terms of response rate.

Don’t try to call with an interesting term or nickname you have found while checking him out on another social profile at the first text itself. It might sound a bit cheesy.

Tell what you like about his profile

You are texting someone means most likely you have found something interesting or similar to your liking with him.


Let him know that. If sports and sea interest you both, start with asking what’s his take on beach volleyball in mid-November.

Starting a conversation with his pet is another great way of keeping company.

Tell about yourself

Okay, this point might bring some obvious dilemma. Will I not seem ‘too full of myself’ if I start bragging about myself from the first text itself?

Here’s the catch.

Let him know about yourself; don’t brag.

Instead of stating what you have done so far in life as if you’re sitting in front of an interviewer, share with him your small experiences associated with your job and lifestyle.

Here’s an example:

“Yeah, it takes out 14 hours of each day of me. But when the little puppies and cutie kittens go back to home healthy, it justified the sleepless nights… Last year as well, during my country tour, uff it’s an unforgettable memory how our team saved a hard of jungle-cattle…”

Ask a question

Sending an online dating first message to a guy largely revolves around ‘The Three Sentence Rule’. It says, an ideal first conversation temple should go like:

  • Personalized greeting (not too personal either)
  • Compliment or comment on common interest
  • Asking an intriguing question

Your question can go 2 ways:

  • Generalist funny interrogation “I’ve heard somewhere that responsible people with a cute smile like Salmon more than Pork. Do you agree or do you agree?”
  • Personalised thought-provoking question “I’ve seen that you’ve learned and tough Japanese as well during your 3-years stay at Japan… How the feeling was being back in Colombo again?

Don’t be afraid of writing first

A major reason behind unattended matches is the majority of the women feel shy to initiate the conversation.

Here’s is a list of most practical tips for women who want to take the first move:

  • You can use our blogging section and Advanced Search Filter to get to know which type of men is perfect for you and remotely filter them. By answering these, the answer to ‘how to message a guy first’ will become automatically easier.
  • Whatever you write, write with proper grammar and correct spelling. Irrespective of men or women, it’s equally an instant turn-off factor.
  • Avoid directly complimenting his physical features at the start. Better to compliment his intelligence and subtle virtues.

Today, we’ve brought the best three examples for you:

Example 1 (Value-added answer-intriguing conversation)

Hey Johnson,

After so many days I’ve finally come across a profile which is worth halting; with some content which is indeed thought-provoking. We don’t know each other but I don’t think there’s any harm in trying to.

By the way, I’ve seen that you have been to Bali last December. I was there as well approximately at the same time. What’s your take on their Jet Packs and Jet Bikes, Nusa Dua?

Example 2 (Connecting On Common Ground)

What’s up?

If nothing qualifies to be enough intriguing topic to discuss on, 5 sweet pugs of yours and 3 Labrador Retrievers of mine definitely are! Those furs and those eyes… I can die after seeing these… how old are they by the way?

Example 3 (Inspiring an answer)

I heard somewhere that people who work in technology and science hardly get any time to write aesthetic pieces. So, did it really take a lot to break the stereotype?