Sexuality and lockdown
Although the lockdown affects all of us, everyone’s situation is different depending on, for example, whether you’re isolating with a long-term partner or someone you’ve only known a few months. And of course things are harder still if you’re quarantined… with yourself. Many single people experience this forced solitude as a double punishment: it’s impossible to meet anyone face-to-face, let alone start and share a fulfilling sexual relationship as part of a couple.
So let’s take a step back and try to look at each situation from a different perspective. You’ll see the reality for some people isn’t as exciting as you might think, while singles have a unique opportunity to reinvent new methods of seduction that are more erotic than you ever imagined.
Is lockdown good news for a couple’s sex life?
At first glance, you might think so. Surely locked-down couples will take advantage of all that extra free time to make love more often, more adventurously, for longer? Not necessarily, according to psychologists and relationship coaches. With all those work video calls, helping kids with their homework and generally keeping them occupied and the constant flow of anxiety-provoking information, sex often isn’t even close to the top of the list of things to do.
As for young couples forced to shorten their “honeymoon”, the time when couples devote themselves to the discovery of their partners’ bodies and minds, one can imagine the difficulty of suddenly feeling they are getting into a sexual rut. Couples locked down under the same roof can find themselves wondering how to make their relationship last, and how to spice up their daily life as a couple.
Learning to love at a distance: the advantages of slow dating
The message is clear: stay home. And while the lockdown is in force, we can’t meet physically. But there is nothing stopping you from meeting new people online and getting to know them better from behind your screen. In fact, Match has seen the number of connections between singles has increased during the coronavirus crisis. The current situation delays the moment two singles can meet each other in person, of course, but it also allows you to slow down and think about your desires and expectations. Many singles (mostly but not exclusively women) who had experienced “dating fatigue” because of the shallowness and immediacy of online dating really appreciate the return to slow dating, which encourages longer, more engaged and more sincere conversations.
Slow dating, desire and love go well together, and real relationships start when everyone has taken the time to get to know each other. Of course a physical and sexual relationship is what truly cements a couple’s relationship, but complicity, empathy, support, admiration are also vital to start a real relationship. The good news is that we can all express these emotions and feelings through a computer screen or smartphone.
Long-distance love relationship: room for imagination and creativity
The longer the better? If slow dating means we can finally enjoy real online dating, the only thing left to do is to defuse the sexual frustration generated by this eight-week confinement. But don’t worry: your brain is the only resource you need. Here are our suggestions to forget the wait (almost), and calm those yearnings.
Games and exercises for love at a distance
Every day looks and feels the same right now. So even if you have a lot you want to say, there might not be that much to talk about. Don’t worry: nothing could be more normal in this “abnormal” period. Our best advice to make a game of it… literally. Try a few old favourites, like charades or hangman. Play a game of online Trivial Pursuit or even naughtyScrabble and try to place as many rude or suggestive words as possible. Time will fly by and you’ll feel closer by the minute.
To defuse the frustration of not being able to enjoy physical and sexual contact, you can use technology to blur the boundary between virtual and real: arrange video chats and share a real-life dinner, or schedule your Netflix movie sessions simultaneously. Finally, get regular physical exercise through online yoga or gym classes. In addition to clearing your head, practising sport releases endorphins to create an important feeling of well-being and relaxation in your body. Listening to music also activates dopamine, another hormone which is naturally present in our body and provides a feeling of pleasure. Of course there’s no substitute for orgasms for two, but while we’re waiting for the lockdown to lift, anything that helps us stay connected to others and to imagine better times together is worth exploring!