Your phone buzzes. It’s a new notification. You open it up to see that it’s about a brand new match on one of your online dating apps. Always a good feeling.
You look over their profile and they seem great. You’re excited, and you’re probably already imagining how they look and act in real life. The only problem is, you never get to actually find out. Something goes wrong along the way, and the two of you never even meet. Does this sound familiar to you?
Getting matches on a dating app is one thing. Actually turning those matches into real dates and relationships is a whole other matter. It’s a tough world online. Unless you’re really fortunate, you will get ghosted, ignored, flaked on, or just have your time be plain wasted at some point or another. It’s how online dating is.
It’s Competitive
Online dating is a competition, and it’s one that’s far more intense than you probably realize. As of September 2018, 41% of singles globally have used a dating app or website. You are a grain of sand in the beach of online dating.
Chances are, every person that you match with will have other matches and suitors of their own as well. Their interest in you might be mutual, but that doesn’t mean it’s exclusive. Getting an online dating match is an invite to a race, but you still have to actually run the race to win.
Be Urgent
The best way to win those metaphorical online dating races? Treat them like they’re actual races. Be urgent. Waste no time in pursuing what you want, and get straight to the point. It is the absolute #1 thing that you can do to to turn more of your matches into actual dates.
Have a sense of urgency with your first message. If you get a dating match notification, and you’re not busy, message that person right away. It’s the perfect window of opportunity; they’re available, they’re using a dating app at the moment, and they just liked your profile. Why wait?
A lot of people do prefer to wait because they don’t want to seem “desperate” or “overeager.” Those non-desperate and non-overeager people also tend to be those who are non-in-a-relationship. Messaging someone quickly is not a big deal, it’s exactly what online dating was made for. Don’t wait just for the sole purpose of waiting. If someone gives you an opportunity, take it. Be urgent and make moves before somebody else does, because somebody else will if you don’t.
Make Plans, Not Small Talk
Try to set up plans early on in the conversation. The majority of online dating users are there to find a date, not a pen pal. It’s important to introduce yourself and to establish a rapport, but don’t get too caught up in an online conversation with someone. You don’t need to exchange every single detail about yourselves before asking someone out. Stick to the basics, and save the good questions for real life.
Be bold when you ask. Don’t beat around the bush and be ambiguous about your intentions. If you want to go out with your match, tell them you want to, and ask when they’re available. If they say no, or they give you ridiculous excuses, move on to the next. Don’t waste your time worrying about someone who isn’t interested, especially when your next match could just be one swipe away.